Before deciding to discipline your children, you always must stop to review your decision. Is this a childish act or a deliberate attempt to break the rules ? There could be other reasons which lead to children "misbehaving" according to our terms. Some mental disorders like ADHD makes children seem like, instructions are falling on deaf ears. If you have to discipline your child for the same reason continuously, it probably needs a thorough evaluation as to why the child is behaving in that manner.
One of the popular methods of punishment is spanking. But modern psychological research has shown that spanking is associated with academic dysfunction, physical and mental health problems and has shown a connection with developing stress which could lead to cancer, heart disease and chronic respiratory problems in adult life. Spanking discourages behavior only for a temporal time, but the behavior will return eventually, and you will have to use even harder methods to correct the behaviors. Spanking or any other type of punishment has side effects like instilling aggression, deteriorating relationships and emotional reactions.
There are however many other methods that you can use to discipline a child. The first and foremost would be model the expected behavior yourself. Children can't be asked to show certain values without the parents demonstrating them. Your behavior as a parent is the social model that he/she is learning behavior from. Many modern theories suggest that children observe and imitate behavior that is available to them from the environment.
You can use a short time out or withdrawal of a specific privilege to discourage behavior. Unlike in spanking, you will not exhibit strong emotions but rather maintain a casual mood throughout the process. The child should be first told the specific rules and reminded of them often enough that they are familiar. They should also be reminded of the consequences that will arise from not following rules. Then the corrective method of a suitable time out should be taken. After the time out, affection should follow and reasoning to make them understand the consequence was due to them breaking the specified rule. There is a constructive nature in such a discipline method and the child learns of cause and consequences which educate him to not to repeat the undesired pattern of behavior.
Any child of all ages loves rewards. We should not only focus on disciplining children when they do wrong but appreciating behavior when they do good as it will encourage them to repeat such positive behavior. A reward system should be age appropriated. Smaller children may be encouraged with a simple star but an older child with an outing to the park. The behavior that is being rewarded should be clearly communicated to the child and the specific reward must be given at the promised time.
Next time your child does something wrong, please stop and consider the decision to punish and look for options to eliminate such behaviors in a positive rewarding way.
11 Comments
Very insightful post! It actually makes me consider other methods of discipline other than how I was brought up. I want to do whatever is developmentally edifying for my children!
ReplyDeleteThank you very much for taking time to read !
DeleteAs a parent that has tried several ways to dicipline, I have experienced that it is very difficult to maintain a calm demeanor when spanking a child. The child is usually fearful and not compliant to receive the punishment willingly, therefore making it even more difficult for the adult to stay calm.
ReplyDeleteTrue and agreed ! It is most of the time a question with how effective are we in managing our own emotions. Children teach us so many things and train us in becoming more mature adults.
DeleteHats off for your content.. Child is someone who ready to learn,listen and of course with own personality & options.So it's very important to be careful when applying Methods for discipling them coz it's a main fact to decide who he/ she going to be...
ReplyDeleteThank you for your input !
ReplyDeleteI have two children and both were very different. So the way we had to discipline had to fit them individually. We were always learning and definitely tried to make sure we were fair in the discipline and always made sure we loved them through it. It wasn’t always easy but it was necessary.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your feedback !
DeleteThank you for this great job. Not only parents and who deal with children but as a student who is stepping in to counselling this document is very useful.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much
DeleteThis is very useful !
ReplyDelete